Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
