Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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