ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
