Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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