I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
