Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
