Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
