I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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