I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
