I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
