I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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