to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
