ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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