new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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