So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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