My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
