Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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