I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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