I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
