I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
