i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
