yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
