I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
