I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
