he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
