I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
