dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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