We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
