You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
