Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My bed smells like the plague
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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