I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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