i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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