i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
