Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
