I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
