went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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