Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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