I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
too bad you live with your parents still
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
