OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
