I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
