its not stalking. its research.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
