Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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