we have pet lesbian snakes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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