He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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