I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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