Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
