I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
