we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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