The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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