Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
