I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
