bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
