Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
