Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
